Breaking the Habit.

Okay, so this is a very short post. But an important post! Inspired by the beautiful Tat, I have decided to challenge myself tomorrow morning at breakfast time! I’ll explain. For a long time now, I’ve become tied to the idea of having something sweet for breakfast. What’s more, it needed to include fruit. What’s more, it needed to be significantly low sodium. Ugh, I know. What a stupid restriction. But often I wake up craving nothing more than a grilled cheese on toast. But for some reason, I’ve told myself that if I don’t have something sweet for breakfast, that I’ll be tempted to binge on sugary things later on. That, or I’ll bloat like crazy if I have the cheese. So I’m going to challenge myself tomorrow morning and have some delicious grilled cheese on toast. What do you all think? Should I? Shouldn’t I?

Sorry for the quick post, but I have some business to attend to! (I sound so professional, ha!)

Before I go – Do you have any food related habits?

Lots and lots of love!

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Simple pleasures

Curled up in my warm flannel blanket, I sit at my desk typing away. My iPod is charging, My Restaurant Rules is blaring away in the background, and I’m typing my latest blog post. The way in which I’ve been welcomed back into such a supportive, strong, and beautiful community is phenomenal. But then again, what else did I expect? 🙂 I adore waking up every morning, getting in a short workout, eating a delicious breakfast and then sitting comfortably in front of my laptop, ready to read all of your fantastic blogs. You all make me laugh, you all make me think, and I admit some of you have made me cry. (in the way in which your words resonate with me, I mean. Not intentionally!)

Who would’ve thought an online diary that other people can see and comment would resonate with so many? Who would’ve thought that it would become something to look forward to every day, one of those simple things that can help make a day that much better?

The blog world is just one of my ‘simple’ pleasures. The more my weight crept up, the more my disordered behaviours lessened and the more my mind became clearer, I began to enjoy..well, almost everything in life. Riding a tram into the city would no longer be a bore. Like a two year old child or a tourist from overseas, I now enjoy hopping on this distinctly ‘Melbourne’ form of transport. I am free to relax, plug in my iPod speakers and stare outside the window. I stare at landmarks, I stare at the beauty of nature, I even people watch. All in all, I just enjoy being on that tram!

Another thing I enjoy is reading. I can easily waste a free hour or so completely engrossed in a good book. I make sure I read a book before falling asleep. For some reason, it helps me sleep easier. I used to be a complete bookworm when I was younger. However, when all that was on my mind was food, exercise and weight, the joy of reading somehow lost its appeal. Same with films and TV shows I once enjoyed watching. I couldn’t muster the concentration to sit down and focus on a storyline of any sort – but now, I can. And I’m glad for it.

While I mull over my new-found love  for the little things, I realise something – although going through what I did was and is simply horrible, I’ve come out the other and I’ve gained a sense of appreciation for things that I otherwise would’ve taken for granted. So should something majorly amazing come my way, I’m sure I’ll appreciate it and hold it dear!

Some foodies 🙂

English muffin with PB, banana and cinnamon – eaten while watching the Oscars red carpet on Monday. Guilty pleasure much?!

                     Oh, what’s this I see? Another simple pleasure! This here is a cheddarmite scroll from a bakery named ‘Brumby’s’. White bread, cheese and Aussie icon Vegemite – not exactly ‘nutritionally sound’, but I couldn’t care less. I need my weekly cheddarmite, and I will get it!

 Mah lunch today – slightly burnt toasted wholemeal sandwich with lettuce, spinach, veggies sauteed with EVOO, hummus and hot sauce of course.With some more fresh salad on the side paired with BEAUT sweet potato and cashew dip.

 

 

  Ready for its close up!

What are your simple pleasures?

Currently reading:  ‘Fashion Slaves’ – Louise de Teliga

Love you all!

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Hunger and Hailstones

Hey lovers!

Okay, so Melbourne is typically a very..how should I say it…inconsistent sort of place in terms of weather. Yesterday was proof, when a relatively warm and sunny day turned into a city of darkness,  flooding, crazy winds, and hailstones the size of tennis balls. Literally. I honestly thought that they would shatter a window in my house or something. Eeep! Anyway, moving right along..

Today is one of those ‘bottomless’ pit days some of you may know very well. I don’t know why they come about, I don’t know where they come from, but they do most certainly exist and what can you do on days like these but honour your hunger, right?!

Saturday night’s dinner – pita pizza with mushies, spinach leaves, yellow capsicum, red onion, and the measly remainders of a cherry tomato from our garden. A sprinkle of mozarella and feta cheese and some oregano finished off this fabulous (and easy!) pizza

Although I have in fact been feeding my body when it asks for it, I am not going to deny that there is some guilt associated with my doing so. ‘Oh, but you’re too short. You can’t be eating like this’. ‘Feel that? That’s your shorts getting tighter’. ‘You’ve finished gaining weight. You shouldn’t be eating like this’, and so on and so forth. But you know what? Those thoughts are exhausting, and checking my body every few minutes to see if my thighs/upper arms/legs are any bigger is exhausting. I’m obviously ravenous for some reason, and I see this as my body speaking to me. If my body could speak, I have a feeling it would be saying something along the lines of ‘feeeed me Tina! Food is goooood!’. And if I happen to gain weight, then obviously my body hasn’t found its set point. I’m hesitant to gain any more weight, but I know I need to let this go. My BMI is nowhere near close to overweight. In fact, it’s right at the bottom of the healthy scale. And My highest weight was at a BMI of 21 years ago and apparently there was nothing ‘fat’ (I hate that word, I really do) about me. So there you go.

 Bagel – one side spread with hummus, and the other side spread with sweet potato and cashew dip. It looks pretty damn unappetising, but there ain’t nothing unappetising about the taste, I promise 🙂

I know that this lingering anxiety about eating more than usual won’t go away instantly, but I do look forward to the day where I don’t have to second guess every second thing I put into my mouth.  I remember the days where I was a lot younger, the pre-ED days.  If I was hungry, I would go and get something to eat. Simple. No matter whether it was outside of a meal time or not. The sensation of hunger came about, I ate something, and then that was that.

Tofu marinated with peanut satay sauce, carrots with hummus, and roast potatoes roasted with carrots and some random peas. Oh, and how could I forget the hot sauce I had to eat my tofu with? Hot sauce = love!

I have faith that I will eventually get to that stage. Who knows, it may take months, it may even take a years..but there’s something that tells me I can get back where I was before all of this happened. I mean, I spent a good 13 years of my life intuitively eating, there’s no reason I can’t relearn that. And I will. I know it. 🙂

Here’s to feeding those hungry tummies!

‘Nana with and cinnamon sunflower seed butter (current addiction..ORGASMIC)

How do you deal with bottomless pit days?

Love to all!

Nb – I don’t post a full days eats, at least I haven’t yet. I’m just posting random pictures of food I’ve eaten for the past two days or so. Just to clarify. 🙂

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There’s no ‘ED’ in ‘T.T’

Hey Lovepies!

Wow, thank you for your warm welcomes in my last post. 🙂 I’m so glad to be blogging again, as I keep saying over and over.

I loved hearing about what you turn to in order to honour that sweet tooth. PB and froyo? Dried fruit? Sweet potato with almond butter and choc chips? YES PLEASE. 😀 So many great ideas right there, thank you all!

Another simple yet effective breakfast – Weetbix with banana, crunchy PB, milk and cinnamon.

(That’s my Greek lettered mug in the background – in the Greek alphabet ‘v’ is actually the letter ‘n’. Yeah, I’ll shh now. :-P)

My blog title today, ‘There’s No ED in T.T’, refers to something that’s been on my mind quite frequently as of late.

I started recovery almost two years ago, and there’s been a lot of stumbling and getting back up. While that was happening, it seemed I defined myself as an ‘ED recoverer’ and nothing more. I lived and breathed recovery…it was constantly on my mind throughout the day, I went to sleep thinking about it and I woke up thinking about it. However, I feel I had to have a large amount of self-awareness the way I did in order to catch myself when I was slipping and in order to find out exactly why and when I chose to turn to my ED behaviours.

As I’ve progressed further and restored my weight, a lot has become clearer to me. In the past few months I’ve realised that there is in fact, more to me (T.T..my initials 🙂 ) than what I went through. Focusing on recovery helped to pave the way for this epiphany.

I saw that I didn’t have to be afraid of food and that nothing bad would happen should I gain weight above even the ‘minimum’ healthy weight. And once I saw this, the real Tina begun to come out once again. No longer was I the sullen cynic who dragged her feet and thought about food constantly. No, that’s not me at all. I’ve actually regained the qualities I had before I became inflicted with an eating disorder. I’m actually an incredibly smiley, positive person. No fakes smiles, either…the real deal. I find humor and positivity in almost every situation and I am actually interested in reading the newspaper and watching the news. And not just stopping to read something food or diet related. I can express myself properly again and I can make sense of the thoughts in my own head and in the head of others – I have the energy to help myself when needed and to help others. Call me overly optimistic, but right now I feel like my life can only head in the right direction – I feel excited for what lays ahead of me.

How about everyone else? Do you feel as though throughout recovery, you’ve regained your sense of self? I can’t wait to hear what you all have to say! 🙂

Love, Tina

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And it begins!

Woo! Can I just say how fantastic it feels to be blogging again?! For those of you who don’t know me, I had a Blogger blog named ‘A Day in the Life of a Hot Sauce Addict’, which is defunct as of last year. Life got in the way – things were going a touch crazay at that point, and I unfortunately let blogging fall to the side. But never fear, Tina is here! Ha, I sound like a pseudo-superhero or something. 

Anyway, I digress – I’m back to blogging and I already feel whole again! I returned due in part to some of the fabulous blogs I’ve managed to read – you girls are fantabulous and inspirational!

This will be a short intro post just to say hello because How I Met Your Mother begins soon and I need my weekly dose. I’ll be back soon though, promise! 🙂

Besides loving my hot sauce, I’m also known to have a bit of a sweet tooth. Girl’s gotta get her suga sometimes, amirite?!

Simple yet effective – a wholewheat English muffin with Nutella

and honey, with a chopped up banana and sunflower seed butter on the side.

 

Well there you have it! I can’t wait to continue reading all your awesome blogs. 😀

Before I go – what do you turn to when you’re craving something on the sweet side?

Lots and lots of love!

~ Currently Reading – Sellevision by Augusten Burroughs

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